"People only see what is visible, measurable. God sees into the heart. He not only forgives our failures, He sees successes where no one else does - not even ourselves. Only God can give us credit for the angry words we did not speak, the temptations we resisted, the patience and gentleness little noticed and long forgotten by those around us. Just being human gives us value in His eyes, and trying to live with integrity makes us successful before Him. God redeems us from the sense and fear of failure because He sees us as no human eyes can see us. Some religions teach that God sees so clearly that He knows all our shameful thoughts and nasty secrets. I prefer to believe that God sees us so clearly that He knows better than anyone else our wounds and sorrows, the scars on our hearts from having wanted to do more and do better, and being told by the world that we never would." ~Rabbi Harold Kushner

18 August 2009

Kids...I'm not worrying about kids.

A little over a year ago I wrote this. It's odd...I don't really feel any of it anymore. It started to change a few months ago...at least the kids part...one day I just realized that I didn't want kids...and not for some "noble" reason...but because I like my single life...well not so much life without a significant other, but I don't want kids. I don't want to have to deal with them day in and day out...they are stressful and needy and I have become so selfish...so much so that the thought of having to worry about someone twenty four seven because they can't take care of themselves...ugh...it is not something I want to do right now. I know I sound like a horrible person...I feel like a horrible person. I can't believe I have fallen so far. When I'm with my friends who have children, I LOVE being around their kids. I love to hold them, I love to hold my nephew. I love to play with them...but I love it because I am giving them back when I've had enough. How did I get here?
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