"People only see what is visible, measurable. God sees into the heart. He not only forgives our failures, He sees successes where no one else does - not even ourselves. Only God can give us credit for the angry words we did not speak, the temptations we resisted, the patience and gentleness little noticed and long forgotten by those around us. Just being human gives us value in His eyes, and trying to live with integrity makes us successful before Him. God redeems us from the sense and fear of failure because He sees us as no human eyes can see us. Some religions teach that God sees so clearly that He knows all our shameful thoughts and nasty secrets. I prefer to believe that God sees us so clearly that He knows better than anyone else our wounds and sorrows, the scars on our hearts from having wanted to do more and do better, and being told by the world that we never would." ~Rabbi Harold Kushner

19 April 2010

51!?

The other day I was speaking with my biology professor. She was telling me about her friend. He is a gay. He was raised in the LDS church. He is 51 and he STILL struggles with his sexuality verses his religion! AT 51!!! I don't want to be struggling with this so pointedly in 20 years!! It makes me sick to my stomach and exhausted to think about that...it makes me want to cry. Somethings gotta give at some point. I'm exhausted and frustrated and stressed.

Truths can't contradict each other...how can these two things be true at the same time? My feelings for girls are as real as my knowledge of the gospel...and I suppose my knowledge of the gospel should provide some sort of explanation for my feelings...but it doesn't...it just tells me that I shouldn't act on my feelings. It doesn't say they are fake. So is the gospel fake? I don't really think it is...but like I said...something has got to give!
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