"Hearts torn; bruises born. Love magnificent but also scorned. Completely together; forever apart. Not of normalcy, but more of art. Peace and confusion keeping the mind from any conclusion. The heart is partial; the mind defies. Ignorance cannot conceive of the cries." ~Alex
A while back Alex wrote this. I remember when I read if for the first time...it was like she had articulated all my feelings. How she did it I will never know...although I have my theory and it has taught me perhaps one of the greatest lessons I will ever learn. There is no possible way Alex could have written that unless A) she has the same feelings or B) the Atonement is real and it works. (obviously it is B) When I read that...I knew that the Atonement was not only real, but an actual working, active power. There was no way for Alex to know unless someone had let her feel my pain...and there is no one but me who has felt my pain...except for One.
I know that when Christ suffered he didn't just suffer for everyone who struggles with their sexuality and their beliefs...he suffered specifically for the pain that I would endure. And that pain...that confusion...those bruises that I feel...he suffered them all. Christ overcame the world and in doing so overcame everything that the world can throw at me, at any of us. I wish I could hold to that knowledge always. I mean the knowledge is always there in my head...and even in my heart...but my heart desires for something else so often. My heart is breaking..shattering into pieces...that I want to pick up...that I do pick up...only to have them shatter again, and again...but that is the completeness of the Atonement...it will heal my heart time and time and time again. No matter how long it takes.
I will forever (as will my posterity) be inexplicably grateful for the understanding that Alex was given in that moment. For her faith in me, for her unconditional love and her willingness to always be my friend.
