"People only see what is visible, measurable. God sees into the heart. He not only forgives our failures, He sees successes where no one else does - not even ourselves. Only God can give us credit for the angry words we did not speak, the temptations we resisted, the patience and gentleness little noticed and long forgotten by those around us. Just being human gives us value in His eyes, and trying to live with integrity makes us successful before Him. God redeems us from the sense and fear of failure because He sees us as no human eyes can see us. Some religions teach that God sees so clearly that He knows all our shameful thoughts and nasty secrets. I prefer to believe that God sees us so clearly that He knows better than anyone else our wounds and sorrows, the scars on our hearts from having wanted to do more and do better, and being told by the world that we never would." ~Rabbi Harold Kushner

31 March 2010

Has it been my choice all along...?

Today as I was reading for biology I came across some discussion about the "gay gene". I've been hearing about this since the early nineties when the studies were first being published...and I was doing my damnedest to ignore the feelings of attraction I was having to Lily. As a 13 year old, I guess I didn't really take the time to read the article thoroughly...either that I was ignoring that fact that homosexuality is something that affects women as well...anyway...needless to say, as an adult struggling with same gender attraction I have subscribed to the theory that my attraction is a result of both nature and nurture...that there is some truth to the "gay gene" idea and I probably have it. HOW WRONG I HAVE BEEN...today I read the following: "Subsequent results...ruled out any connection between the same region and lesbian orientation." (Genome, Ridley). So apparently...this has been my choice all along. As I continued reading discovered that birth order seems to have an effect on occurrences of homosexuality...once again however, only in men.

So...apparently...I've chosen these feelings...well that is just super.