"People only see what is visible, measurable. God sees into the heart. He not only forgives our failures, He sees successes where no one else does - not even ourselves. Only God can give us credit for the angry words we did not speak, the temptations we resisted, the patience and gentleness little noticed and long forgotten by those around us. Just being human gives us value in His eyes, and trying to live with integrity makes us successful before Him. God redeems us from the sense and fear of failure because He sees us as no human eyes can see us. Some religions teach that God sees so clearly that He knows all our shameful thoughts and nasty secrets. I prefer to believe that God sees us so clearly that He knows better than anyone else our wounds and sorrows, the scars on our hearts from having wanted to do more and do better, and being told by the world that we never would." ~Rabbi Harold Kushner

16 April 2010

Good ol' P.B.

Today the lyrics that I find myself hearing over and over in my head are these:

Many times I've tried to tell you
Many times I've cried alone.
Always I'm surprised how well
You cut my feelings to the bone.
Don't wanna leave you, really.
I've invested too much time
To give you up that easy
To the doubts that complicate your mind.

I know it may seem a bit melodramatic...but as I was listening to this song last night, I thought of Aly...this was applicable the first time I walked away...well tried...the second time we walked away...and were successful...and today...I cannot seem to get over her...WHY?! I tell myself so often that it is because of our physical intimacy...that a connection like that is not easily forgotten...not until, perhaps, another is made...and yet...it isn't just about being physically close to Aly...It's about those quiet moments we shared, talking or not talking...coming home from school after a crappy day and knowing that she would be there to make my day better...knowing that she always KNEW when I was having a bad day...and vice versa...knowing Aly so well that I knew when things weren't her best...standing in the middle of her bedroom hugging her after she found out her parents were getting divorced...driving all over the state with her...ugh...I miss her.

"For one human being to love another, that is perhaps the most difficult of all tasks. The work for which all other work is but preparation." Rainer Maria Rilke
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