Today I asked a friend of mine if they thought, after we die, that we would have a chance to see "what might have been" had our lives, specifically mine, taken a different path. My friend said no. That if Father was going to show us anything it would, hopefully, be a lifetime of faithful service. I would like to see a video showing a lifetime of faithful service, no doubt...but today...today I just want a quick glance into what could be if I were to stop making the choice I'm making. As Anya from BtVS says, "My feelings are changeable, but intense." That is EXACTLY what my emotions are...so very intense and strong, and yet in what feels like a state of constant flux.
Is Alex right? Will I forever wonder? Should I test the waters just to see? Just so I KNOW for sure that it isn't what I want? But then I think, well I already know how this turns out so...why bother testing waters that are only going to further frustrate the cause if stirred?
If I could just have a real, honest glimpse into what could be my future with a girl...
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