"People only see what is visible, measurable. God sees into the heart. He not only forgives our failures, He sees successes where no one else does - not even ourselves. Only God can give us credit for the angry words we did not speak, the temptations we resisted, the patience and gentleness little noticed and long forgotten by those around us. Just being human gives us value in His eyes, and trying to live with integrity makes us successful before Him. God redeems us from the sense and fear of failure because He sees us as no human eyes can see us. Some religions teach that God sees so clearly that He knows all our shameful thoughts and nasty secrets. I prefer to believe that God sees us so clearly that He knows better than anyone else our wounds and sorrows, the scars on our hearts from having wanted to do more and do better, and being told by the world that we never would." ~Rabbi Harold Kushner

24 May 2010

...see it feels bad now, but it's gonna get better...

I try and remind myself of this each day.  Though it feels bad right now, in the end it will be better...but I'd like it to be better right now...at least sometimes.  I know that I have times where it does feel better...I'm just not in one of those times right now.  And I don't mean to keep bombarding my blog with negativity, but I'm afraid if I stop writing regularly now, then when it does get better, I won't write...and I don't want this VAST audience to think that I'm this sad, forlorn, melancholy girl...although at this moment those are pretty accurate descriptions.

The thing is...I know that the possibility exists for things to get better...it takes work on my part, and on my Father's part, and on the Savior's part.  And though my Father and my Savior are ALWAYS ready to help it get better...I am not.  Which I suppose seems strange...but sometimes I'm just not ready to do the work...because to make it better takes work, and though it begins with a small step that does wonders...I'm not ready...no...I'm not willing, to make that step right now.  I'm not trying to be obstinate...but honest.

I will get there though.  I wasn't sent here to fail. None of us were.  I know that all of us have days when getting out of bed seems near impossible...it's ok...just don't stay in bed forever.  I won't if you won't...pinky swear.
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