I wrote in my last post that I wouldn't write again until I had something more positive to say...unfortunately I'm having a tough time finding positive things to say...but I'll do my best.

I've decided that I don't want to keep the fact that I like a girls a secret anymore. No, I'm not going to have a party or fly a flag...and nothing is changing in terms of how I am living my life...I just hate having this secret...it wears on me. Liking girls is part of who I am, but it doesn't define me, but it does contribute to me...and I'm ok with it. I realize the rest of world may not be ok with it...but the rest of the world isn't ok with a lot of things. I tried out this new resolution the other night and it went over like gang busters :) Well that may be a bit of an overstatement...fireworks were not going off or anything but the two people that became privy to that particular challenge in my life showed only respect and love. We will see how it goes with the extended family...

Another positive thing to mention is Ky...she is such an awesome friend. I really couldn't ask for more and I'm pretty sure that I'll be eternally grateful for our friendship, for her support, and patience and kindness...she is one of the truly great parts of my life...one of the great loves of my life...not in a romantic way...in fact...that is one of the tender mercies of the Lord in my life...I love Ky so much, but I've never fallen in love with her...and that to me, is simply astounding... considering all of her amazing qualities and her gorgeous looks. I'm grateful for my deep, albeit, platonic, abiding affection that I have for her.

I'm going to visit Grey soon. Seeing her has this affect on me unlike anything else. She knows me so well, and loves me for who I am and for who she knows I can be...and I can see that reflected in her when I'm with her and it is one of the most inspiring things that I have to hold on to in this life.

I have the greatest mom. She may not always agree with my decisions, but that is actually something I love about my mom. I watched a documentary on deeply religious families who had gay children. One of the families was LDS. The parents had changed their views and beliefs in the gospel because of their son. As I was watching I was overcome with the knowledge of how much my mother loves me and that in spite of that love, her views and beliefs would not be shaken. She would not change who she is or what she believes for me. And the inspiration and faith I find in that is overwhelming. It is often a shred that I cling to in moments of deepest despair and frustration. Even in the face of her daughter choosing something so contrary to what she believes, she will hold on to her belief because she knows that it is true. I love her for that...more than I could ever express.

...some small yet powerful moments of happiness in my life.