It has been a while since I have posted...things have been...difficult and frustrating... and I am not sure exactly what word it is that I want to use...at this very second...frustration is the first word...all I have been able to wonder for the last while is can I ever just be "ok". I mean I wake up in the morning and I am stoked about life and happy about the gospel and that I have the truth...but by two o'clock in the afternoon I am frustrated and just want to get the phone number of a girl in my ward...everyday it goes back and forth just like that.
It is like two Sams and as similar as they are...this one difference between the two...it changes everything...One Sam knows the truthfulness of the gospel and understands that there is something worth everything waiting on the other side...and the other Sam...she knows the same exact thing, but she likes girls...and that attraction to girls is as strong as her knowledge of the truth.
Those feelings, that knowledge, the attraction...that is all real. And on top of that...the nature of the truth encourages family and togetherness...but not between two girls...I just need to find a nice Mormon girl to settle down with..one who would live the same life I would...but one who would just always be there...I could do that...and I know it would make me happy. But...I don't think that is how it works...so I am going to keep going...and try and figure out how this is all supposed to work.
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