"People only see what is visible, measurable. God sees into the heart. He not only forgives our failures, He sees successes where no one else does - not even ourselves. Only God can give us credit for the angry words we did not speak, the temptations we resisted, the patience and gentleness little noticed and long forgotten by those around us. Just being human gives us value in His eyes, and trying to live with integrity makes us successful before Him. God redeems us from the sense and fear of failure because He sees us as no human eyes can see us. Some religions teach that God sees so clearly that He knows all our shameful thoughts and nasty secrets. I prefer to believe that God sees us so clearly that He knows better than anyone else our wounds and sorrows, the scars on our hearts from having wanted to do more and do better, and being told by the world that we never would." ~Rabbi Harold Kushner

17 August 2009

Where is my peace?

Can I really give up a relationship for the truth? Because the relationship wouldn't be a lie...so it's more like giving up one truth for another. Both are right...but one is more right? Is that right? The intimacy...the emotional intimacy that comes with a relationship is something that I think I was just born wanting...and the thought of never having that in this life makes my heart hurt and my stomach ache. But then...how can I give up the privilege of attending the temple? Of wearing my garments? I wish I could just feel a small, teeny, tiny bit of exaltation...because I've felt that intimacy and that love that I ache for...and I KNOW how wonderful it is...but all I can do is BELIEVE how wonderful and beyond human explanation exaltation is...do I have the faith...some days I think I do...until I'm reminded of what that intimacy feels like, the joy and peace it brings...Perhaps I've never truly felt the peace that the gospel can bring...how to I feel that? How do I find that?
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