Driving home from Provo with my mom she was talking about the last time she bore her testimony in church and how she expressed gratitude for her children and their righteous choices in life; especially because those choices aren't the easiest and we don't have to make them...but we do, and she is grateful. Her expression of gratitude remained near the forefront of my mind as the weekend continued. Sunday as I sat in sacrament meeting I suddenly felt glad to be in church...and it has been months since I have felt that way. I also renewed my temple recommend on Sunday and as I walked out of the stake president's office it was as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders...it was not as if I'd just been to the temple, but knowing that I could go...that the recommend in my hand was current...it made a difference. And then yesterday I was chatting with Alex and I could suddenly just see myself again. I don't remember Alex saying anything in particular that suddenly "flipped a switch"...but I guess...realizing that she is the definition of a best friend...and understanding that she isn't ever going give up on me...it helped. I know that Alex believes in my goodness and my ability to succeed...and I guess yesterday I started to believe that again.
Thoughts of failure and doubt still plague my mind but at least there is some sort of "front line" to keep them at bay while I try and rally more troops for back up.
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