"People only see what is visible, measurable. God sees into the heart. He not only forgives our failures, He sees successes where no one else does - not even ourselves. Only God can give us credit for the angry words we did not speak, the temptations we resisted, the patience and gentleness little noticed and long forgotten by those around us. Just being human gives us value in His eyes, and trying to live with integrity makes us successful before Him. God redeems us from the sense and fear of failure because He sees us as no human eyes can see us. Some religions teach that God sees so clearly that He knows all our shameful thoughts and nasty secrets. I prefer to believe that God sees us so clearly that He knows better than anyone else our wounds and sorrows, the scars on our hearts from having wanted to do more and do better, and being told by the world that we never would." ~Rabbi Harold Kushner

17 December 2010

sorry mom

the title of the post is a reference to the fact that my mother has a strong distaste for the word I'm about to use.

Do you ever have those days where you think, or even say out loud, "my life sucks". well I don't really ever have those days...how could I? There are way too many things in my life to be thankful for. It would be so selfish of me to say that. But while I may not feel like my life sucks...I definitely suck at life. I can't seem to make anything worthwhile out of the great things that I do have in my life.

If my life were a Super Mario Brothers game I would definitely be out of lives.  Reset button anyone?



I don't mean to throw a pity party or splurge on the self deprecation...it is really just the way I've been feeling this week.  And there are definitely some ignitors for these feelings...but I don't think it matters how this downward spiral started...I need to figure out how to pull myself out.  I can't suddenly make something awesome and spectacular of my life...but I know I can make it to the first castle and get 50,000 or is it 5,000...points from the flag pole at the end of this level...saving the princess and defeating the dragon might have to be another day...but I know I can at least start making my way through two dimensional piranha infested waters...or perhaps I could just skip level two and move right on to man-eating plants popping out of sewer pipes...regardless...I just need one box...with one coin...that would be enough right now. I would feel as if I actually accomplished something and that I wasn't so sucktastic.

No comments: