good things to come

I watched this video today and thought it was something worth sharing...and something I needed to hear.

Yell, whine, doubt, raise your fists in frustrations, cry...but then move on.

"Doubt is useful for a while. We must all pass through the garden of Gethsemane. If Christ played with doubt, so must we. If Christ spent an anguished night in prayer, if He burst out from the Cross, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” then surely we are also permitted doubt. But we must move on."  ~Yann Martel


Reading this makes me feel a small sense of relief...but more than that sense of relief, it brings a realization that my best bet, so to speak, in enduring successfully to the end, will be in getting to know my Savior...not just what He did in His life, but also coming to the understanding that He was indeed a man and was met with temptation, as I am.  By His choices he was made perfect.  And though perfection is not a goal that I can expect in this life...it is still something that I should expect. 


Christ suffered the chains of mortality, but did not wallow in his plight.  He walked His chosen path and fulfilled His earthly and divine ministries.  And so should I...so should we all.  

in patience and in diligence

There are days (very recent ones in fact) when I just want to give up "the good fight".  I would rather lie in my bed all day, than a face a world of struggle.  I find myself doubting my strength and ability to go on...and yet...I do...not always in the easiest, or prettiest, or even smartest way...but I do go on.  And sometimes it is for myself, and sometimes it is for the mere fact that I do not want to disappoint those I love.  I want to believe that I will always strive to "fight the good fight and finish the course"...but it so often feels like a losing battle.  But mine is not to live a perfect life...no one's is...only our Savior's.  Ours is to endure with patience and diligence...for this the path to perfection.

"Patience means staying with something until the end. It means delaying immediate gratification for future blessings. It means reining in anger and holding back the unkind word. It means resisting evil, even when it appears to be making others rich.

Patience means accepting that which cannot be changed and facing it with courage, grace, and faith. It means being “willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon [us], even as a child doth submit to his father.”  Ultimately, patience means being “firm and steadfast, and immovable in keeping the commandments of the Lord” every hour of every day, even when it is hard to do so. 

Patience is a process of perfection. The Savior Himself said that in your patience you possess your souls. Or, to use another translation of the Greek text, in your patience you win mastery of your souls.   Patience means to abide in faith, knowing that sometimes it is in the waiting rather than in the receiving that we grow the most. This was true in the time of the Savior. It is true in our time as well, for we are commanded in these latter days to “continue in patience until ye are perfected."
                                                                                                       ~Dieter F Uchtdorf




Lately I've found myself so absorbed with my struggles, my frustration, my hurt...just with myself in general (I believe the word is self-absorbed) that I've failed to see all that is happen around me while I'm trying to work through it all.  I've been so hell bent on getting answers, finding a solution, seeing an end, that I've completely ignored the blessings and strength, inspiration and insight that is all around me as I struggle.  While Daniel waited in the lion's den, he did not spend his time fretting over lions...he trusted in the Lord and continued to pray and the Lord blessed him in return sending angels to calm the lions.  I'd forgotten...well, if I being honest...I'd stopped believing in the Lord's love for me...and in forgetting Him, I've forgotten his promises, forgotten that He will not let me down...that there will be angels to bear me up and calm the lions in my life when I need them.


So with a renewed hope, and a spark of desire I pick myself up by my boot straps and continue along the path, clinging to the rod of iron until my knuckles are white.  It is inevitable that I will fall again, that I will simply stop and sit down of my own accord...but I will get up again.  I will remember that it is diligence for which I am striving...not perfection.

"I know what I know"

Here are a few things that I know for sure right now...

My Father in Heaven loves me.
There IS a way back to his presence...
and I CAN make it.
Life is rough all over.
I have more control than I often give myself credit for.
Never miss an opportunity to make friends...you never know who is going to rock your socks.
The Gospel IS true.
The truth DOES set you free.

Sometimes I'm afraid to open the dictionary in fear that my picture will be next to the word "idiot"

"The fine flower of unholiness can grow only in the close neighbourhood of the Holy. Nowhere do we tempt so successfully as on the very steps of the altar."  (Screwtape, from Screwtape Proposes a Toast).  


So though I may have been so close to placing my whole heart on the altar, to giving my life to my Father, to letting go of my sins, my hurt and my heartache...I faltered...I couldn't let go...I began to lay my heart down on the altar of the Lord, and just as I was about to let it go, entrusting it into the hands of One so capable, I had a split second of doubt, snatched it up again and bounded down the stairs in the COMPLETE opposite direction of my Father, of His Son and the infinite power of the Atonement.  And for WHAT?!  


Nothing. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Nada.  But is that true?  Because if I'm giving up peace, joy, and eternal salvation there must be a reason.  The price that I'm paying MUST be worth it, right?  The "funny" thing is...I don't even know what exactly I'm running to when I'm bounding down those stairs!!  However I know EXACTLY what I'm running from!  One word: asinine.


What am I so afraid of?  Is it fear that is keeping me from peace?  Or am I just the village idiot?