"The fine flower of unholiness can grow only in the close neighbourhood of the Holy. Nowhere do we tempt so successfully as on the very steps of the altar." (Screwtape, from Screwtape Proposes a Toast). So though I may have been so close to placing my whole heart on the altar, to giving my life to my Father, to letting go of my sins, my hurt and my heartache...I faltered...I couldn't let go...I began to lay my heart down on the altar of the Lord, and just as I was about to let it go, entrusting it into the hands of One so capable, I had a split second of doubt, snatched it up again and bounded down the stairs in the COMPLETE opposite direction of my Father, of His Son and the infinite power of the Atonement. And for WHAT?!
Nothing. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Nada. But is that true? Because if I'm giving up peace, joy, and eternal salvation there must be a reason. The price that I'm paying MUST be worth it, right? The "funny" thing is...I don't even know what exactly I'm running to when I'm bounding down those stairs!! However I know EXACTLY what I'm running from! One word: asinine.
What am I so afraid of? Is it fear that is keeping me from peace? Or am I just the village idiot?
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