"People only see what is visible, measurable. God sees into the heart. He not only forgives our failures, He sees successes where no one else does - not even ourselves. Only God can give us credit for the angry words we did not speak, the temptations we resisted, the patience and gentleness little noticed and long forgotten by those around us. Just being human gives us value in His eyes, and trying to live with integrity makes us successful before Him. God redeems us from the sense and fear of failure because He sees us as no human eyes can see us. Some religions teach that God sees so clearly that He knows all our shameful thoughts and nasty secrets. I prefer to believe that God sees us so clearly that He knows better than anyone else our wounds and sorrows, the scars on our hearts from having wanted to do more and do better, and being told by the world that we never would." ~Rabbi Harold Kushner

06 September 2010






I think that if I ever get a tattoo this is what I will get tattooed.  I use to want a poem that Alex wrote for me, but it is kind of long...and I think this phrase sums up a truth that would be useful tattooed underneath my eyelids.  Or perhaps I will make a recording of it over and over  and listen to it each night as I fall asleep (SINCE I CAN'T BUY THE SONG THE LINE IS FROM ON iTUNES...PLEASE Apple...let me buy music form iTunes Ireland...geez).

I've come to realize in the VERY recent past (ie about twenty minutes ago) that what always pulls me out of a slump or back to the "straight and narrow" is a gospel truth... EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.  

I don't want to admit that.  I want to be able to live my life happily without the gospel in it...for the mere fact that I could then date who I actually was interested in dating.  But it is the truth.  Well...almost the whole truth...for me, the whole truth is, the gospel brings about the majority of my happiness...the rest of it is a result of the relationships in my life...and as kick ass and bitchin' as my friends and family are...they are not a significant other.  Sometimes they are a fabulous substitute...but even then they are only fleeting in their ability to fill that GAPING hole.  One day my mom and I were discussing Prop 8 and gay marriage and the temple and I explained to her that in my ideal world I could be sealed to the girl I loved in the temple.  In my ideal world that would be A-Ok. But this isn't my world...and that isn't how natural law works...so...I do my best to:

"...hold on to what I believe in the light...when the darkness has robbed me of all my sight."

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