"There is a gap between what I feel and what I know."  This thought came to me one day while sitting in a Relief Society lesson...or perhaps I was listening to a talk...I don't really remember. I DO remember that is resonated with me...it describes exactly what I feel about the two very powerful competing forces in my life.  

I realized recently that the only possible way for me to close that gap...the only way that I have any chance of that happening is if I keep my covenants.  If I can do that, then sometime in this life...or the next...that gaping hole...can be filled, completed, closed, made to be as if it never existed.  I will be made to feel whole.  Isn't that the whole purpose of the Atonement?  I know that somehow, making and keeping covenants with the Lord will allow me to "take all MY insecurities, all MY short comings and recognize them but turn them over to the Lord" (from a note written to me from a friend the day I realized the gap in my life.)  I'm still working on how exactly to turn those things over to the Lord...and I'm still trying to fill that gap.  Some days my trying is much more diligent and valiant than others...but I do try.