Catch 22 version 20.08

So...I had a realization this weekend...if I were to get married to a man...I would never be able to be fully in that relationship simply because it wouldn't be 100% fulfilling...although a temple sealing would exist, and children...but emotionally it would leave something to desire...if I were to be with a woman...well...even if she was everything I wanted, and it was the greatest relationship that I could have in all aspects...I could never marry her. And considering my type she would want to be married...but that is something that is reserved for one man and one woman. Just because I was with a woman doesn't mean I would forsake all of my beliefs...I wouldn't...they would still be there...I would just be living with guilt or something...but i would still be Sam...and Sam doesn't drink, or smoke, and I believe that marriage is for one man and one woman. So I feel trapped. Living a celibate life, emotional or otherwise, just does not feel like something that I can do. My heart literally feels like it is going to break when I think of living like that.