"People only see what is visible, measurable. God sees into the heart. He not only forgives our failures, He sees successes where no one else does - not even ourselves. Only God can give us credit for the angry words we did not speak, the temptations we resisted, the patience and gentleness little noticed and long forgotten by those around us. Just being human gives us value in His eyes, and trying to live with integrity makes us successful before Him. God redeems us from the sense and fear of failure because He sees us as no human eyes can see us. Some religions teach that God sees so clearly that He knows all our shameful thoughts and nasty secrets. I prefer to believe that God sees us so clearly that He knows better than anyone else our wounds and sorrows, the scars on our hearts from having wanted to do more and do better, and being told by the world that we never would." ~Rabbi Harold Kushner

11 October 2008

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I don't know what to do. I am happy, but my heart still aches. I am feeling pretty stressed but I still have a sense of peace. I'm kind of feeling directionless, but not lost. I don't know how to describe it. I'm kind of confused. There are things going on that I feel like should really be throwing me out of sync...but I feel ok. I mean...I just feel at peace...I don't know. I think feeling so calm is kind of throwing me off. I am use to being in a state of confusion and upheaval. I imagine it will come soon-that feeling of confusion and distraught. But for now, I will just keep on keepin' on...as Gladys has said, and enjoy this feeling of peace. It would be nice to be able to hold on to that peace all the time, and I am pretty sure there is a way...and I am even more sure that I know that way...it is just the strength of character that I may be lacking. But I also know what I need to become stronger...
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