Yesterday I posted the stand I have taken...and I am still taking that stand today, but I have to say...the weight and reality of that stand has sunk in...and there are "goods" and "not so much my favorites". The idea of not having that one person...that intimate partner for life...and I am not simply talking about physical intimacy...in fact I am not referring to that at all. There is something inspiring, invigorating, strengthening...about having that "person"...your person...my person. I had that person...but she is some one's person...and so, now I have kind of half a person...or rather...a part time person, or quarter time person. I wouldn't say half a person because she is ALWAYS my person 100% when I actually get to see her and really talk with her...but that doesn't happen so often.
I also feel overwhelmed by the cultural stigma that exists in the culture that I am surrounded by. I am getting older, I am not married, something must be wrong with me...is something wrong with me? I wonder? Am I a social deviant? Twenty years ago, thirty years ago...I very well could have been considered one. Am I one now? I like girls...but I know that is not right. That is a difficult thing for me to say...or rather...type. It is difficult to say that how I feel, what brings me comfort and peace is not right...but it isn't....the truth is the truth regardless of how I feel about it. BUT...there it is...the truth...the truth I cannot escape. The truth that is my saving grace...that will be my saving grace. Right is right and wrong is wrong...my mom taught me that...and so...I will continue through this life...happy at times, frustrated, confused, lonely, excited, loved...just like the rest of the world. I like girls...so what...that is life.
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