a measure of me

Many in this world are afraid and angry with one another. While we understand these feelings, we need to be civil in our discourse and respectful in our interactions. This is especially true when we disagree. The Savior taught us to love even our enemies. The vast majority of our members heed this counsel. Yet there are some who feel that venting their personal anger or deeply held opinions is more important than conducting themselves as Jesus Christ lived and taught. I invite each one of us individually to recognize that how we disagree is a real measure of who we are and whether we truly follow the Savior. It is appropriate to disagree, but it is not appropriate to be disagreeable. Violence and vandalism are not the answer to our disagreements. If we show love and respect even in adverse circumstances, we become more like Christ.  ~Quentin L Cook

"...how we disagree is a real measure of who we are..."

I've been thinking about this quite a bit the last couple weeks... how I treat those with whom I disagree.  I hope that it is with respect and dignity.  I hope that when I disagree it is never accompanied with belittling.  I know that has not always been the case...  

Imagine if you will, two girls. Standing across from each other in a kitchen.  These two girls...we will call them Sam and Alyson... were once in a loving relationship.  At the time of our scene Alyson is in a relationship...Sam is not.  The girls are discussing the definition of marriage and propositions to define marriage on a state and federal level.  The conversation is awkward and uncomfortable...Sam, not wanting to upset the girl she is still very much in love with and Alyson so angry at what she feels is Sam's "holier than thou" self righteous attitude.  (Ok so I'm not exactly sure what Alyson felt...but I think it is a very good assumption...since, let's be honest...I am Sam in this story and that was pretty much my attitude at the time).  As the conversation becomes more heated Sam begins to lose her cool and finally blurts out "marriage is between a man and a woman and is ordained of God".  This truth flew out of my mouth in tone not at all fitting the sanctity of it.  I'd never seen my words have a physical affect on someone until this point. I remember wishing so desperately that I could take back what I had just said.  But I couldn't.  Because it was what I believed...what I do believe.  But the pain I saw on Alyson's face...I've never forgotten that.

Fast forward seven years to last Saturday...and imagine the same two girls sitting across the table from one another in a restaurant having a similar discussion.  At present Alyson is STILL in that same relationship (having married her girlfriend in Canada five years prior) and Sam...well...Sam is...if I'm being honest...probably still a little bit in love with Alyson.  As these two girls sit across from one another and discuss the recent "fire" that has started once again over the definition of marriage the conversation has a much different tone than it did seven years ago.  This time the two girls both share their opinions, just as before...and yet this time...there is only respect...the kind of respect that accompanies a deep and abiding friendship.  

Aly and I still disagree...but I listen to her and I feel her pain...I really do.  Partly because there is a fine line between her and I.  With minimal effort I could be on her side of the line...not with her in a relationship...but in a relationship with a girl.  Because of that...because of the greater understanding I have of myself...I don't entirely disagree with what she is saying...but marriage is between one man and one woman...and I can't change that truth.  I wish so badly that the truth did not affect Aly's life.  I wish there was a way for all of us to be happy, to get what we want.  But as I mentioned in previous posts...neither side of this argument will ever agree with the other and neither will stop standing up for what they believe.  And somehow...in arriving at that realization, I'm able to listen to Alyson...to anyone who shares her same opinion and not get upset.  I see Aly the way I saw her the first time I met her...as the beautiful and kind girl that she is.  We don't agree with one another...(and maybe Aly laughs at me when she walks away and thinks I'm naive...I don't believe it...but maybe)...but we do respect one another and we love one another...the way that mankind should love one another (just to clarify).  

I don't know if this is what Elder Cook meant in his talk...but I can see the huge difference in myself since that horrible conversation seven years ago.  I feel like I've grown.  Become a little  kinder?  Perhaps a bit more charitable?  A bit more Christ-like?  I know I'm not perfect...and there are moments and people that I struggle to share this Christ-like love with...but I am trying.  When I am "measured"  I want the measurement to be a good one.  I want that measurement to show that I have grown closer to becoming more like my Savior...more like the Sam he knows I can be.