"People only see what is visible, measurable. God sees into the heart. He not only forgives our failures, He sees successes where no one else does - not even ourselves. Only God can give us credit for the angry words we did not speak, the temptations we resisted, the patience and gentleness little noticed and long forgotten by those around us. Just being human gives us value in His eyes, and trying to live with integrity makes us successful before Him. God redeems us from the sense and fear of failure because He sees us as no human eyes can see us. Some religions teach that God sees so clearly that He knows all our shameful thoughts and nasty secrets. I prefer to believe that God sees us so clearly that He knows better than anyone else our wounds and sorrows, the scars on our hearts from having wanted to do more and do better, and being told by the world that we never would." ~Rabbi Harold Kushner

11 February 2011

February=Love: the 11th

I know, I know...I skipped the 10th.  I'm sorry.  I'll try to make it up at some point this month...but for now I'm in the present and the present is the 11th.

I recently came across this quote:

It's choice --- not chance --- that determines your destiny.

Though I imagine Ms. Nidetch was referring more to our weight and physical health..  And of course it applies...but even beyond that...it is what I believe...what I fought hard to have in this life...choice...the ability to choose for myself.  That is not to say that certain things aren't in my DNA, physically and spiritually speaking.  I mean we existed before we came here...we had personalities...probably pretty similar to who we are now...minus the changes that have come from our experiences.  But despite any predisposition, any environment, any experience...we always retain the power that trumps all of those things...our agency...our ability and privilege to make our choices...for good or not so good.  I mean my spiritual DNA could have included some coding that makes me a kind person...but I can still choose to be an ass.  I'm not saying that is the case for me...just illustrating my point.  I like girls.  My preference would be to date girls.  That attraction has to come from somewhere inside me...I didn't make it up...that I did NOT choose.  But what I do with that attraction...that IS my choice.

And I like that.  I would hate it if my life decisions were all made for me.  I often joke about wanting to hire someone to make my decisions for me, but honestly, I don't want that.  I really do value my agency.  I know that I haven't always made the right decisions.  In fact sometimes I think I've made more wrong decisions than I have right ones...and yet I still manage to get to where I need to be...but regardless...I'm so grateful that I'm the one who has made the choices.  And I'm grateful for the sacrifices that have been made, so that I could have that choice. A third of Heavenly Father's children were lost in a battle for this choice.  His only begotten Son suffered beyond description so that despite making poor choices, there would still be a chance for me to be exalted.  Not too mention the fact that my decisions, whether I like it or not, can affect those around me.

I hope that I can keep these things at the forefront of my mind. In typing this the weight of the significance of my agency sort of fell on me.  I hope rather than being crushed under that weight, I'm able to gain the strength to carry it with my good, better and best decisions.  


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