a dichotomy to be sure...? part II

In thinking more about what I wrote yesterday...or in the wee small hours of this morning...I realize that my thoughts may have been a bit jumbled...it was pretty late...cut me some slack...or perhaps I should learn not to post when I can't think straight...ha ha...no pun intended...funny how that word "straight" has come to mean so much more than just extending in one direction with no curve...but I digress...in light of the lateness of my hour of writing, I am going to attempt to perhaps get my thoughts in a better order and perhaps add a couple more.  And P.S.  this is a selfish post because it is more or less so that I can get my thought ducks in a row.

As I mentioned in the previous post...I do not think the doctrine of the gospel will change.  I do not think there will come a day when I will be able to be sealed to a woman in the temple.  But I do think it is possible for the subject of homosexuality will not be so taboo...that a member of the church, an active member of the church being gay will not be grounds for gossip and whispers.  Keeping my sexual preference a secret from the masses is exhausting.  It is wonderful that so many friends and family know...but in conversations with people I'm meeting for the first time I do have to watch what I say at times.  And in conversations with some family and friends it is still an uncomfortable topic.  It is in this respect that I do hope the constraints of the separation of homosexuality and my religion begin to blur and fade away.

I've chosen to not date women.  I've chosen instead to live a life that allows me to hold a temple recommend.  This is where I suppose I will take back a bit about what I said about no dichotomy existing...it does exist.  Because if I do want to be in a committed relationship with a woman, I will not be able to hold a temple recommend.  It will always be one or the other...one will ALWAYS have to give.  And while I can be open about liking girls and being an active member of the LDS church...I can only live one of those aspects of my life to a fullness.  But I do truly hope and (want) to believe that I can somehow live my life without some much exhaustion because of these conflicting aspects.

Perhaps this has cleared up any confusion from my previous post.  It has for me :)