"People only see what is visible, measurable. God sees into the heart. He not only forgives our failures, He sees successes where no one else does - not even ourselves. Only God can give us credit for the angry words we did not speak, the temptations we resisted, the patience and gentleness little noticed and long forgotten by those around us. Just being human gives us value in His eyes, and trying to live with integrity makes us successful before Him. God redeems us from the sense and fear of failure because He sees us as no human eyes can see us. Some religions teach that God sees so clearly that He knows all our shameful thoughts and nasty secrets. I prefer to believe that God sees us so clearly that He knows better than anyone else our wounds and sorrows, the scars on our hearts from having wanted to do more and do better, and being told by the world that we never would." ~Rabbi Harold Kushner

29 August 2011

a dichotomy to be sure...? part II

In thinking more about what I wrote yesterday...or in the wee small hours of this morning...I realize that my thoughts may have been a bit jumbled...it was pretty late...cut me some slack...or perhaps I should learn not to post when I can't think straight...ha ha...no pun intended...funny how that word "straight" has come to mean so much more than just extending in one direction with no curve...but I digress...in light of the lateness of my hour of writing, I am going to attempt to perhaps get my thoughts in a better order and perhaps add a couple more.  And P.S.  this is a selfish post because it is more or less so that I can get my thought ducks in a row.

As I mentioned in the previous post...I do not think the doctrine of the gospel will change.  I do not think there will come a day when I will be able to be sealed to a woman in the temple.  But I do think it is possible for the subject of homosexuality will not be so taboo...that a member of the church, an active member of the church being gay will not be grounds for gossip and whispers.  Keeping my sexual preference a secret from the masses is exhausting.  It is wonderful that so many friends and family know...but in conversations with people I'm meeting for the first time I do have to watch what I say at times.  And in conversations with some family and friends it is still an uncomfortable topic.  It is in this respect that I do hope the constraints of the separation of homosexuality and my religion begin to blur and fade away.

I've chosen to not date women.  I've chosen instead to live a life that allows me to hold a temple recommend.  This is where I suppose I will take back a bit about what I said about no dichotomy existing...it does exist.  Because if I do want to be in a committed relationship with a woman, I will not be able to hold a temple recommend.  It will always be one or the other...one will ALWAYS have to give.  And while I can be open about liking girls and being an active member of the LDS church...I can only live one of those aspects of my life to a fullness.  But I do truly hope and (want) to believe that I can somehow live my life without some much exhaustion because of these conflicting aspects.

Perhaps this has cleared up any confusion from my previous post.  It has for me :)

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