"People only see what is visible, measurable. God sees into the heart. He not only forgives our failures, He sees successes where no one else does - not even ourselves. Only God can give us credit for the angry words we did not speak, the temptations we resisted, the patience and gentleness little noticed and long forgotten by those around us. Just being human gives us value in His eyes, and trying to live with integrity makes us successful before Him. God redeems us from the sense and fear of failure because He sees us as no human eyes can see us. Some religions teach that God sees so clearly that He knows all our shameful thoughts and nasty secrets. I prefer to believe that God sees us so clearly that He knows better than anyone else our wounds and sorrows, the scars on our hearts from having wanted to do more and do better, and being told by the world that we never would." ~Rabbi Harold Kushner

28 August 2011

It's been a rough while

I haven't posted in just over six months.  I haven't forgotten about my blog...I've just...it's been a rough while.  I've missed posting...I've had things to say that I knew would be worth sharing on the blog...I just haven't managed to put pen to paper so to speak.  But the other day someone left a comment on one of my more "recent" posts and it reminded me that I do indeed love getting my thoughts out on "paper" regardless of whether or not anyone is reading.  So, I'm back...and hopefully it won't be another six months.

Last night I have the privilege of seeing a production of Little Happy Secrets at Salt Lake Acting Company (SLAC).  It was as wonderful as I thought it would be.  I've heard an audio recording of the play with each characters part read by an actor (It is a free podcast download on iTunes, just fyi.) but I had never seen it.  The second I knew it was being produced in Salt Lake I jumped at the chance to go and immediately purchased two tickets.  

Cy ended up coming with me.  I had to be a bit choosy about who I invited...at least that is what I thought.  After watching it I wished that I'd somehow convinced all of my family to attend.  It really was like watching my life play out on stage in front of a bunch of strangers.  I wanted so badly to know what people thought...not just about the job that actors did, but about the choices that Claire (the main character) makes. 

A brief synopsis, Claire is a BYU student, a returned missionaries and an active member of the LDS church.  She comes back from her mission and is once again roommates with her best friend Brennan who has also returned from her mission.  Over the course of the store Claire deals with her growing feelings for Brennan while Brennan is dating Carter.  

What I love so much about this show is that it isn't about sensationalism...it is simply about Claire's struggling between life and the gospel that she loves...sounds so familiar :)  

Seeing the show reminded me of the path I've chosen...why I've chosen it.  I've been struggling so much lately...with my choice to live the gospel and not date girls...not that I doubt my decision is right...I just don't want to choose it.  But how can I choose something else and I already know what is true...I'm not saying that I feel like my agency has been taken away...and it isn't as if I don't make wrong choices all the time...but for some reason...with this decision...it just seems so silly to choose anything else when I already know what is true.  Lots of times I wish I didn't really feel the truthfulness with such conviction.  I know it is a blessing and probably blasphemous of me to wish that...but I do.  If such was the case I might be able to date the person I want to date.  But I do know what is true...deep down in my soul I know what is true.  And so with that, I will continue to choose the gospel path...albeit grudgingly at times.  (hey...I'm not perfect)

"I did make it home.  How?  I'll say divine intervention; and you'll likely smile at that.  But it's what I know." ~Little Happy Secrets



1 comment:

Justin said...

Hmm. Very cool. I like this post and your honesty with yourself. I love that you recognize that the choice(s) that you've made is (are) hard, but you also remember your logical and spiritual reasons for that choice. Wish I could have seen the play, too!