While I realize that the standards of the gospel of Jesus Christ do not allow for a relationship of my preference, I don't know that I feel like these two (of many) parts of me are not overlapping. I've liked girls for, I would say, pretty much my entire life. I have been a member of the LDS church for my entire life. And while it was not until college that I seriously began to wrap my head around my attraction to the wonderful world of females and had a relationship with a wonderful girl :)... it was something that I really did struggle with when I was about 13...and yet it did not hinder my faith or participation in the gospel. I will concede that for many of those years...between the ages of 13 and 20...my choice to be active and not pursue the ladies was motivated in part by fear, by not having a frame of reference for the feelings I was having, and because being gay is wrong and I "chose the right" (perhaps not always by my own self-actualized choice, but by social pressure). But now I DO have a frame of reference for my feelings, I am NOT afraid and my choices in life are motivated by what I have come to know for MYSELF and NOT by any sort of pressure that I feel. And with all of that...I still VERY MUCH love the ladies. And I still VERY MUCH love the gospel. And I VERY MUCH believe that those two things don't have to change in order for me to have a happy and fulfilled life. I don't think I necessarily have to choose one or the other...in fact...I don't believe that is even an option...to choose one or the other I mean. Both my faith and attraction are "done deals" so to speak.
Now, none of this is to say that I am going to have a serious girlfriend and still attend the temple...I don't believe that doctrine will ever change. I guess what I am saying...is that I don't think anything is wrong with me because I am attracted to girls...I don't think that I have to try and find a wonderful man to take me to the temple...I don't think I have to keep my sexual orientation a secret from the masses*.
So though these two aspects of my life, dogmatically, do not overlap, I don't think it means they can't exist in peace and harmony. I don't think that I should always be living my life in such exhaustion because of the conflict.
But what do I know?
*(Though that is not to say I feel the need to come out over the pulpit in a meeting. Maybe someday I will feel that way, but now...now I am content to be who I am, to be open when the situation or conversation ends up there...but I don't need a t-shirt or a bumper sticker. Because why would I? My sexual orientation is not my defining characteristic. There is so much more to me than who I want to be kissing. So just like what I do to make a living, or details about my family...my sexual orientation can be discussed if the conversation calls for it or if people find this blog, etc...)
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